I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize