I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
