get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
