i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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