that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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