Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
