He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
