If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize