that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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