Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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