i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
