thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
