I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
