I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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