ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
