conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
