I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Who died my cat blue again?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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