I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
