Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
