weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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