Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
