The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
