She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
