Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
