I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize