Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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