His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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