He uses pillows to masturbate.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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