I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
