i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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