These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
