she was so not down for the gang bang
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i dont even know how to be here
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
