Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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