You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
