Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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