please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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