Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
