I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
