i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
