He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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