All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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