I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
