as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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