Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
