she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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