he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
