you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
