Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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