ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
