i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
