He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
