my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
