i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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