So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
