I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
