There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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