K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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