And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
