He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize