Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
