dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
