Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
