How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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