Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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