I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
