it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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