Ambien. No doubt about it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
