so explain again why im purple
no
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize