Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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