I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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