Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
