we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
