my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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