I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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