wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
