The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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