I don't think brook has ever known best
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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