yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
