I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
