Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
