I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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