so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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