What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
