I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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