God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
