How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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