hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize