She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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