I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She said her name was "party"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
