My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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