is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
