I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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