it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
