i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
