as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
