I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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