I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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