What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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