a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
