i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
