She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
