the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
